Monday, September 17, 2012

Long-distance relationships: Do they work? - Love and Dating


Joined: Aug 14, 2012
Posts: 875
Location: Western WA, but hoping for LA

PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 1:13 am?? ?Post subject: Long-distance relationships: Do they work? Reply with quote

Lately, I've gotten desperate (bad social skills, people thinking I'm a maniac, etc.), because there is no girl with what I have (Aspie's, in other words) out here in the PNW.

So..... I've decided to broaden my horizons, and look outside there area. I know, LDRSes have their risks.... what am I to do? I am just... I can't some up with the word. Let's seek some advice about them (long-distance relationships), and be serious about this. I have no advice about this, sadly.


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Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: Sep 10, 2012
Posts: 77
Location: Maryland, United States

PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 2:01 am?? ?Post subject: Reply with quote

Long distance relationships require a ton of trust and faith in a person, but they can work.

It helps to have a set goal in mind for when you're going to meet up (and eventually move in together?) and constantly working towards that.

Also keeping things open at least until the first meeting is a good policy, but ultimately that's up to whatever the partners agree upon.

It's not a replacement for short-distance relationships and physical interaction. Continue working on honing your social skills with others before you first meet.

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What Would Brian Boitano Do?

Joined: Jul 09, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 2613

PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 2:40 am?? ?Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd say they CAN, but it's more a matter of time. My friend married a girl he met online. However they met when he was in middle school, and he married her when he was like 21, but before they were married, they knew each other in person (with her living in his house for like 3-4 months while she found a place to stay in this state) for about 2 years. So that leaves a total of....7 years or so of knowing the person? They initially met on an anime forum, and then played WoW together. She's a nice girl, just perfect for my friend, I don't think my friend would do better in a million more tries.

I talked to one other girl who worked at Radio Shack, and she met her boyfriend online and they moved in with each other. She knew him for like 2-3 years.

So it's not like they can't work or anything like that, just the main thing is time is different online, I think. In some ways, online is more intimate, and in others less, so time to get to know a person is different. Just speaking of platonic friendships, I finally met one of my internet friends in person this summer, and I've known him since like 2004 or 2005. It was quite seemless meeting him, not really a case of meeting someone from the internet and being surprised. It was like meeting someone I knew all my life, because, well, I knew him for 1/3 of it. The friendship extended past online, when I had no internet for a bit, we'd call each other, we'd send each other packages (just random things lying around our houses we didn't need anymore, but the other person could use, ie, games, clothes), those sorta things.

So in all the relationships that I've seen that were successful online, the common thread seems to be a lot of time with the other person. That's the only way I've really seen them work and transition to real life. Online is interesting in that online, in some ways you can get to know a person better, and in some ways you won't. Online sometimes we'll reveal a lot more about ourselves, our past, etc, than we will to people we know in person, just because of the anonymity of online, but then you don't get to witness the person "in action" everyday and their dealings with you and others. Or, worst case scenario, can just BS everything completely online. So that's sort of a tradeoff. The other thing is online doesn't really have a higher success rate either, you just don't have to deal with as "real" consequences for failure. Again, in my dealings with platonic friends, I used to have like 20 AIM friends, now I got like 3. People can just stop talking to you after a while, or get legitimately busy and not contact you, or just straight out tell you that you suck one day and block you.

Lastly, I think online, one thing is it does is it removes barriers. I may not have met my online friends I have now if I didn't meet them online. I just probably wouldn't have talked to them based on first appearances, but online I've had friends that were quite different than me (sometimes preppy rich kids, haha) and basically the type of people I'd have never gotten the chance to know well in real life, and it makes sorta both sides recognize I guess the shared humanity of the other person. So I don't think geography matters quite as much as that when talking to people online, though to be fair, some geographical places are better than others, and unlike others here, I don't totally discount geography as a huge factor in your social life (which is why I plan to move someday.)

So I don't write all this to dissuade you, but all I'm saying is, online isn't really magic or anything like that. And it'll likely take a lot of time for you to know the person, both know them and meet them. But there is a chance of success, so if you do wanna try, go for it. Could end up well for you, just keep those issues in mind.
But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.

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Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: Sep 01, 2012
Posts: 170
Location: alone on the prairie surrounded by a sea of grass

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loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
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Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 40
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Location: Canada for now

PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 5:09 am?? ?Post subject: Reply with quote

yes, it can work. i met my boyfriend here. we first vaguely saw each other around in late 2010, then started talking in earnest in late spring of 2011. in 2 weeks i am moving in with him, thousands of miles away.

we actually chose each other over people who were interested in us in real life. but it helped that we had a goal of being together eventually, as opposed to expecting it to stay online indefinitely. we did meet in person for a week. the online chemistry carried over to real life, which was also awesome. i'd had some experience with online dating before so i kind of knew whether it was going to translate or not.

something else that helped was that in the early days we had a lot of time available to talk, so we could really interact for long stretches and get to know each other quite well.
coming soon, to a city near (some of) you

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